this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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