I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
