I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize