bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
