went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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