What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
