I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
