When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
