I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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