if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
