You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im part way to drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
