evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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