He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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