im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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