Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
