there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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