dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
