Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
