My cat gives me a boner
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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