I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
