Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
