the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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