im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sry I called you an 8
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
