between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's like a pop up book from hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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