there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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