The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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