We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
