i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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