I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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