lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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