She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
