Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
