Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
