We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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