This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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