White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
