Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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