he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
