if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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