wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
