what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
