Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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