dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
