she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
