i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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