i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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