You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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