I need help removing her.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
