i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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