i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
