first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
