conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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