Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
