Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
