how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
