I will die if light touches me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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