I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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