thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
