mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
