You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize