Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
