There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
