so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
