new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Someone shit on the floor
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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