I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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