ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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