Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
