I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
