CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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