last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
