You made me cry and you don't even care
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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