Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
