smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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