He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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