I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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