Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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