I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
