Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
