Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
