Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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