i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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