i jhust puked up my retainher.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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