Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
