Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
